If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
