I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
