I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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