When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
