i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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