Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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