I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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