At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
