her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
