I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This girl is more easily done than said...
she woke up with a sticky ear
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
