I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We have so much sex to catch up on
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
