My friends, they love my intelligence
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
