We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
