he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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