Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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