Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
