If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
