i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
