Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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