eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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