the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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