my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
