I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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