Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i now understand why vodka
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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