I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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