Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
