cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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