I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
