To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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