Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
