Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
