Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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