my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
