haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
