I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
