I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
