oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
