Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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