it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This house was built for laser tag.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Randomize
