I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
