I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
