your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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