I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
