i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
