i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
