How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
