I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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