im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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