I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
