Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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