I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
