I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
