Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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