He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is Oprah even human
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Congratulations! We have a period
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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