he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize