Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
