so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
