And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
