so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
